From “Feast” (2012)

Cancer

What it is like to be the you

swimming inside the me

diagnosis

that suddenly seeks

to define

a world patterned

by stars shining

against midnight blue

lovers lounging on scarlet sheets

a body moving to the dance

of a life made my own way?

Are you as frightened as I am to die?

Often I awake at three am

with terror drenching the blankets.

So the doctor opened my belly,

took out my potential to give life

and the danger of you spreading

yourself like thin black jam

sits on my head, waiting for the tea

and biscuits once promised.

I dare not serve.

Perhaps if I’m a nice enough hostess,

you will go away before you wear out

your welcome.

Perhaps if I give you a sweet or two,

acknowledge your hunger

then you will realize there is no need

to eat all of me.

I am very giving.

Very compassionate.

But I will not let you eat me out

of house and home.

I know you need love.

We all do.

How about letting the white rabbit

nibble on your edges,

injest you and allow you to heal

and be a part of the healthy

me that lives?

That is the answer.

You and I are dancing

a dance of dark and light.

I hear what you show me.

I understand what must change in me.

Your change will be what you most long for,

even if you don’t know it yet.

Cells of mine, turned dark crystal,

reach for your light sisters.

They long to embrace you,

kiss you.

Hold you through the night

until your transformation

brings complete healing.

My body will thrive then.

Come on. We can do it.

Together.

Feel ourselves be swallowed

by the cloud of light.

Feel the malignancy become love.

I will always honor you, your darkness

and bless your ability to become white

as the sunrise,

Bright, a healer from within.

Cell by cell.

Hold my hand.

Okay, ready?

Let’s jump into God.